


Conversations With Dr. Huang

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 11:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5965033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Early on in their relationship, both men wonder where this is going and turn to Dr. Huang for some expert advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations With Dr. Huang

John hesitated again. He’d been stopping and hesitating his whole way to Dr. Huang’s office, but honestly, he needed expert advice and Huang was the only shrink he trusted. He knocked reluctantly on Huang’s glass door and slid it open.

Huang looked up. “What can I do for you, John?”

“I need advice,” John said simply.

“Lie on the couch,” Huang half-joked.

John shrugged and stretched out. 

“Oh, okay, so that kind of advice,” Huang said. He put down his work and brought the chair around the desk to the couch.

“Is this privileged? I mean, you’re an FBI agent,” John said suddenly, levering himself into a sitting position.

“Yes. I’m still a psychiatrist,” Huang reassured him in his soft voice. “I’m glad you feel you can trust me, John. You distrust shrinks, especially ones on the force.”

“With good reason,” John said shortly, thinking of Monique. 

“Well, this is not an ordered evaluation, and unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, nothing you say will go any further,” Huang said gently. “But you must have a lot going on to come to me. What can I help you with?”

John stretched back out, the couch utterly inadequate for his long frame. “Well, I’ve been having a sexual relationship with my partner, Fin, for nearly a year now,” he started.

“I’ve had my suspicions,” Huang said.

John frowned. “We thought we were discreet.”

“You have been,” he reassured. “But humans are my field of study, John. What’s changed?”

“I’ve loved him since before we started… sleeping together. I think he loves me too. We don’t talk about it. It’s getting hard _not_ talking about it, though, but Fin’s not really into talking about his feelings, and I don’t want to ruin a good thing. And I’m wondering if I should leave SVU. I… every time we go out together, I worry about what could happen. I don’t know if I could deal with… with an accident.”

“That’s a lot to deal with, John. Let’s start with leaving SVU. If you weren’t in love with Fin, would you want to leave SVU?”

“No,” John said immediately. “Sometimes the perps get to me, and sometimes the victims stay with me, but I like where I am. I like the work I’m doing, and I haven’t found nearly as good a team anywhere else.”

“If you were to leave, would you trust anyone else to protect your partner?” Huang asked softly.

John thought about it. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can… react in time or if I’d be paralyzed by my emotions.”

“I think you wouldn’t trust anyone else with his life.”

“Probably not,” John agreed reluctantly. “But I couldn’t deal with the aftermath.”

“Which might happen either way, you know the line of work you’re both in. Let’s focus on your feelings. You cover them up with a sarcastic exterior, but I think you feel things more deeply than you would let on to most people. I’ve read your evaluation, and a particularly poignant line stood out to me: ‘You’ve given up on relationships, but you still believe in true love. And the pain of never having found it is unbearable.’ Do you think you’ve found it?”

“Fuck, Doctor, I don’t know,” John said, rubbing his face. “I thought so four times, and look how that ended up.”

“I think eventually the pain of _not_ talking to your lover about this is going to outweigh your fear of losing him if you do. You’ve held this in check for nearly a year, and a year is a long time for just a sexual relationship. You said you think he loves you too, but he doesn’t like to talk about things. If you want this to be more, you’re going to need to take the lead and find a happy middle. And you have to ask yourself, can your relationship take it if you don’t know you’ve found love again?”

John sat and thought quietly, and Huang let the silence stretch, knowing it was a powerful tool. John asked softly, “And if I’m wrong?”

“Would you honestly want this to continue one-sided?” Huang asked gently. “You can only delude yourself so long.”

John nodded sadly. “I won’t say I feel better, Doc, but I know what I have to do.” He stood up with some difficulty, a mess of limbs as he tried to push himself off the couch.

Huang stood up too. “I hope it goes well for you, John. What about SVU?”

“You’re right; I could never leave Fin in someone else’s hands.”

“Good luck, John, and my door is always open to you.” He shook John’s hand.

John left.

***

He didn’t get a chance to speak to Fin that night – Fin was in one of his sullen moods that only a good fucking got him out of – and went to work the next day distracted. It didn’t matter; Fin was equally distracted, staring absently at the file he was supposedly working on. Fin suddenly made up his mind, closed the file, and got up.

“We got a lead?” John asked, looking up.

“Nah, man, just running to get some food. Be back in a bit.”

“Want company?”

“Honestly, not this time, Munch.”

John nodded, a bit sadly, and threw his pencil down once Fin was out the door. Damn. Well, every man was entitled to half an hour by himself, he reasoned.

***

Fin hated talking about himself, his feelings, his life, pretty much anything personal, but he had no idea what to do and knew only one person who wouldn’t talk about it but could point him in the right direction. He stopped outside Dr. Huang’s door.

He knocked and slid the door open. “You got a minute, Doc?”

“Of course, Fin. What can I help you with?”

“Need advice,” Fin said shortly.

“Lie down on the couch,” Huang half-joked, feeling that Fin may very well do so.

Fin sat down, resolutely refusing to lay down. Huang nodded; he had thought as much.

“You don’t want to be here, but you don’t know who else to ask, and you know this will go no further,” Huang said.

“Hole in one,” Fin answered.

“Well, I’m happy to listen for a bit,” Huang answered, wondering when he became department matchmaker, as he had a very good feeling what Fin wanted to talk about. “What can I help you with?”

“It’s Munch,” Fin said. “We’ve been sleeping together almost a year now.”

Huang nodded. “Go on.”

“I… this isn’t easy to say, but I actually love the crazy son of a bitch, but neither one of us has a great track record with relationships. It’s good the way it is now, just sex; I don’t want to bring love into it and lose him or screw this up. I’m not good at talking about feelings and shit; I’d probably screw it up. And what if I’m wrong and he doesn’t love me and he thinks it’s just sexual?”

“It seems you’re worried to _have_ feelings in the first place and that worry makes it hard for you to express them,” Huang said. “You’ve gotten hurt in the past and you’ve decided you’re better off if you don’t care. You don’t like to get attached and you’re startled that you are, so deeply. Does John seem like someone who hides his feelings?”

“He’s sarcastic to cover them up, but nah, he’s usually open about them,” Fin answered. “That’s why I’m worried that I might be wrong, y’know?”

“Or is he respecting _your_ boundaries?” Huang said gently. “Fin, you strike me as someone who goes and gets what he wants. What’s holding you back, when you’re almost sure this time?”

Fin mulled that over. He thought about the look in John’s eye, that soft smile when John thought he wasn’t looking, and nodded. “I guess I’m not sure,” he admitted.

“Once you know that, you can overcome it,” Huang answered. 

***

John and Fin were sitting on the couch in John’s apartment. They were both silent, thinking deeply, wondering how to start the conversation. John finally broke the silence. “Fin,” he began. “There’s something I want to say.”

Fin wasn’t sure where it was going. There were two ways it could go, one bad, one good.

“Okay,” he said, turning to face John. “What’s up, man?”

John took a deep, fortifying breath. “I can’t not say anything anymore, Fin. I don’t know if it’s going to screw everything up or not, but with my track record, probably. But the truth is, Fin, I… I love you.”

Fin smiled at him. “Man, I love you too.” He kissed John deeply. “And here I’ve been sitting wondering how to tell you the same thing.”

John sighed deeply in relief and pulled Fin in for another kiss. Fin broke the kiss and figured, what the hell, Huang had basically told him to go for what he wanted, and he knew he wanted John. “Does this mean we can move in together?” Fin asked.

John’s jaw dropped. “Absolutely,” he said. “But not into one of our dump-job apartments, let’s pool our resources and get a semi-decent one somewhere.”

Fin smiled again and kissed John. “Don’t think we’re moving too fast?”

“I do have a penchant for that,” John admitted, “But you offered.”

“I’m gonna have to thank Huang,” Fin muttered before moving in to kiss John again. 

“Wait, _what_?” John said. “What did Huang say?”

“Hey now, that’s privileged,” Fin protested.

“Because _I_ talked to Huang,” John admitted.

Fin laughed. “Man played matchmaker.”

***

The two of them went together next morning to Huang’s office, no trace of hesitation in either of them. John knocked and they entered.

Huang looked up and smiled. “I’m guessing you two worked it out, and I’m also guessing I’m the only one who knows so far. Congratulations, and I’ll keep your secret, of course.”

“Thank you,” John said with heartfelt emotion in his voice.

“Seriously, man, we can’t thank you enough,” Fin added, sneaking a look at John.

Huang smiled. “Now, if you two don’t mind, I _actually_ have work to do.” He gently showed them to the door.

John and Fin walked in companionable silence back to the department, looking forward to their future.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Comments are love <3


End file.
